(Written exactly as it was sent to me.)
This is turning out to be so much harder than I expected. Just so hard for me to put into words.
I guess the simplest thing…If I look at where I was and where I am…in so many ways….God is amazing.
I mean, I grew up in a Christian home – very religious, but so afraid of real relationship with God and people. I had a “terrorist” God. If you do this or don’t do this God will punish you. Everything bad that happens is a result of something that you did that didn’t please God…and its impossible to please God, so your screwed. And Gods people weren’t any better. They loved to tell you what you did to loose your job, crash your car,etc…
Then a few “country club” churches. Again never good enough, not rich enough,pretty enough
So I pulled away from Gods people from church. Tried to maintain something with God but was terrified of Him. So I read a few Bible verses now and then. Prayed with “fear and trembling” because if u don’t pray that’s another strike against you.
Knew the concept of a relationship with God, but it scared me so bad, because relationships suck. And relationships hurt and people who say they love God are cruel and selfish. And if Gods people, Gods children do this then it must be sanctioned by God
So my prayer consisted of God help me make it, then cower in fear cause I’m obviously doing something wrong to feel this way.
But the thing is…God did help me, He is helping me. He helped me in ways that I had no clue. He brought me in the path of the right people at the right time. And looking back, I realize #1 how that every church I went to, every christian that I met – there was a reason, if A hadn’t happened then B,C, D, and so on would not have happened. #2 He was working in OTHER people’s hearts to bring us all together at the same time to the right and perfect time
Someone I had known for years knew someone who went to RiverChurch, invited me…and God has been working. And as much as I love the church, and the people, and the pastor…this is about God, they are wonderful tools He used – along with other tools which is a totally different even if related story.
People kept telling me that I was in a safe place. There was no pressure, no expectations, but A LOT of love, prayer and encouragement. And I’m finding out more and more how much prayer and probably will never know how many people.
God took me from a place of aloneness, to a family…has set me free from bondage to religion and beliefs, and has given me freedom to come to church and to worship Him, and to pursue a relationship with Him
And yeah its still a struggle sometimes, I still need prayer…but Satan, he has been rendered helpless, he can’t stop me from coming to God as a child to a father, as a servant to a Lord,
Cassie I know I’m longwinded, probably hard to understand, and I’m still not coming close to what I want to say, but I think right now, this is the best I can do. Thanks for giving me an opportunity to try to put this into words. God is real, He does love us, me , He wants us to live, He can and does deliver people in everyway every day. AMEN